Jokes/Fun

3 men were captured by natives, the natives intent was to kill them and make rafts from their skins, so the cheif went to ask them how they prefer to die, so he asks the first man who replied i will take a bullet to my head, done, the second man was asked this and he replied i will take poison in my last meal, done, the cheif asks the last man how would you like to die?, to which he responded.. bring me a fork, they do, and he starts to stab himself everywhere on his body, the cheif was shocked by this and asks why stab ur whole body? the man replies by saying "YOU WILL MAKE NO RAFT OUT OF ME"

Lol, yep I know this one.

loool thats a smart one

funny

Angel,

That's just awesome!!! LOL Nice!

loool !! was great xD

WoW lol ease tension ...make jokes not related to people's race or creed unless your own...
I'm sure Instinct will laugh (he's native and you know lol) but jokes should be gereral or about
ourselves no like I'm a newfie and part french so these are quite amuzing




A Newfie is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer
for?"
"I got it for my wife" answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."


Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Newfie walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American
fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Newfie picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"


An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie (i.e., a Newfoundlander) He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?".
"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."
The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anaesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."
The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

lol this is funny
we needed this topic I will set it sticky so we can have more and more jokes

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 3 hours?

A: Write "turn the page over" one both sides of a paper.

Feminists from all over the world
are having a huge meeting. On the stage appears an English feminist and
says: “I came home, I hit the table with my wrist and said to my
husband:”I am not cooking from now on”. I see nothing the first week or
the second week, but the third week I see my husband cooking dinner.”
The hall vibrates with a great applause. The second guest speaker is a
German feminist and says: “I came home, hit the table with my fist and
said to my husband: ” I am not doing laundry from now on!”. I see
nothing the first week or the second week. The third week, I see my
husband doing the laundry.” Even greater applause came from the
audience. Then the Czech feminist goes on stage and says: “I came home,
hit the table with my fist and said to my husband: “From now on, I am
not cooking or doing the laundry.” The first week I see nothing; the
second week I see nothing; when third week rolls around I am starting to
see with one eye.”


St. Peter and God planning holiday:
St. Peter: How about Jupiter?
God: Nah, the gravity there is hell, no good for my knees, rheumatism and that, you know. I'd prefer that spa on Venus.
St. Peter: Are you mad?! I understand your knees like to be kept warm,
but come on - 500 degrees Celsius, raining sulphuric acid and lava all
over the place - that seems a little bit too hot, how about Earth?
God: No bloody way! There's humans there, remember?
St. Peter: Yeah, so what?
God: The gossip - remember the other time when I hooked up with this
Jewish chick? Well, that was some 2000 years ago and last I heard
they're still talking about it.



A policeman is going through a park and he sees a
foot sticking out of from under a bush. He pulls on it and a fellow
crawls out.
'What are you doing there?'
'I'm having sex.'
'Ok, that will be a 100 (amount) fine.'
'From under the bush is heard....'Who are you talking to up there?'
And the policeman, upon hearing that, 'Aha, there are two of you. So it will be 200.'




The family is eating dinner. Mom
asks her unhappy-looking son:”What’s wrong Pepicku?” “I don’t like my
sister”. “Then put her on the side of the plate”.

looooooooooooooooooooooool

hey guys.. as you know this topic for jokes and laugh..
as a respect to our bro. StillWater, he lost his mother after losing his father.. as a respect for him and sharing him this topic will be locked for some period.

Whoot you guys still active?? Almost starting to think about a come back

Hi!

Is this topic already open for jokes. Can I laugh now? Please, can I?

Frances, Well done with those. LOL


Here are few I'd like to share as well.

Master to his servant: Go in the garden and water the plants.
Servant: Master, it is raining outside.
Master: You lazy person. Take the umbrella and water the plants.

All Chuck Norris Facts and Jokes: Have fun going through these. And yes you can chuckle and even have laughs about it if you find any funny. You have my permission to do so.

1. The only reason you and I are alive today is because Chuck Norris allows us to be.

2. When George Bush said Mission Complete he didn’t realize that Chuck Norris wasn’t finished yet.

3. When Chuck Norris cuts onions, the onions cry!

4. Nunchucks used to be called Nunlees until Chuck Norris used them.

5. Chuck Norris once granted a Genie three wishes.

6. Chuck Norris can drive forward in neutral.

7. The reason why aliens don't show themselves to the public, is because they know Chuck Norris is out there.

8. It doesn't get dark because the sun goes behind the moon, it gets dark because Chuck Norris simply tells the sun to "go away."

9. Chuck Norris played WW2 when he was 3 years old.

10. The only time Chuck Norris made a mistake was when he thought he made a mistake.

11. The Devil went down to Georgia because he knew Chuck Norris was in Texas.

12. Once when Chuck Norris Tried to play football. the ball ran away!

13. Chuck Norris doesn't play the game Sorry. He's never sorry.

14. Chuck Norris is banned from the Guinness Book of Records, everyone knows why.

15. Chuck Norris has no need to walk. The universe simply moves around him.

16. Chuck Norris doesn't breath, the air goes into his lungs for safety.

17. Chuck Norris is the eighth wonder of the world.

18. Forest Gump didn't run for Forest, he ran for Chuck Norris.

19. Some people said that the most devastating weapon ever unleashed on mankind was the atom bomb. Somewhere Chuck Norris is still laughing.

20. Chuck Norris can do anything, even create a game that is unbeatable and win.

I love jokes about Chuck! Though many of them are already known it still makes me laugh!

OK I have also one.

Vicky and Bubo are a couple, they love each other and they want to get married. So Bubo has to ask Vicky's father her hand.
He goes to his house and asks him. Her father of course wants for his daughter the best.
He says 'I will agree but only if you buy the most luxury house for her!'
Bubo answers 'Bubo loves, Bubo buys' And he buys the most luxury house.
He goes to ask his father for the second time.
'I will agree but only if you buy the most luxury car for her!'
'Bubo loves, Bubo buys!' And he buys the most luxury car.
He goes to ask her father for the third time.
'I will agree but only if you can make my daughter happy with 3 metres long *tralala*'
'Bubo loves, Bubo will shorten!'

Way to go Frances. I like it.

Excuse me, but I just can't hold it anymore....hahahahahahah
Everything about it is so funny.
Bubo? = ROFL
Bubo loves, Bubo buys = LOL
I will agree but only if you can make my daughter happy with 3 metres long *tralala* =
'Bubo loves, Bubo will shorten!' = Bursting from laughs

I never get tired reading jokes about Chuck Norris. They are inspiring lol

Here are several other:

1. Moses did not part the Red Sea, Chuck Norris did it from the other side.

2. Chuck Norris never age because his sweat is the fountain of youth.

3. Bigfoot is so hard to find because he knows Chuck Norris is still alive.

4. God said, "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said, "Say Please!"

5. Chuck Norris doesn't drink coffee to wake up. He drinks hot magma.

6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

7. Rather than being born like a normal baby, Chuck Norris decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter, he grew a beard.

8. Chuck Norris once walked on water, Jesus copied him soon after.

9. I've heard that when the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.

10. I also heard that Chuck Norris has tears that cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

Hehe, Chuck simply never dies.

I enclose this funny video. Some of you already know it because I sent it to you. But nevermind this never gets old or boring!

There are two friends - one of them sad, with bruises on his face and a pained look. Another asks:
- What about you? Why look like?
- Yesterday I took the salary but attacked me, beat me and took all the money.
- Remember you their faces?
- So how will people remember my wife and mother in law!






There are two friends:
- Why do not you work?
- In the hospital I work injury.
- What I've said them? How can you work trauma, his office employee?
- strained his jaw while yawning.

Frances, OMG! That was hilarious. Burst to tears from laughs. Laughed through the whole thing. hahahaha Thanks for sharing that, Frances. It certainly made my day.



Mitak???? OMG! What was that all about? But it still made me laugh. LOL

jokes for 2 friends

Hey guys, other video - Annoying Orange. I think I am in love with those videos. It's quite weird humour but I like it.

Hi!

Nothing's weird as long as it funny. Thanks Frances for these videos. I might as well start searching for something like this. They hilarious!!!! LOL

I liked these lines the most:

Pineapple: Well I am not. I'm a pineapple.

Orange: Why the long face? LOL

Pineapple: God! You're so irritating.

Orange: I'm not irritating. I'm an orange.

Continuing with Chuck Norris's "Funny" Jokes

1. Ever notice how Chuck Norris has no gray hair? Age said, "Forget it!" and walked away. - out of fear, of course.

2. When it's time for people to die, the Grim Reaper shows up. When it's time for the Grim Reaper to die, Chuck Norris shows up.

3. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

4. Chuck Norris died 3 years ago but Death is afraid to tell him that.

5. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars look both ways.

6. Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.

7. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They're now just The Islands.

8. Door Bells were invented so Chuck Norris wouldn't "knock down your door".

9. Chuck Norris got his Driver's License at the age of 16 seconds.

10. Chuck Norris wasn't born, he was discovered.

11. If the Army could recruit Chuck Norris, it truly would be an "Army of One".

12. Santa Claus writes his Christmas List to Chuck Norris.

13. Chuck Norris doesn't need a life...Life needs Chuck Norris.

LOL

This one if for you Mercenary. I hope you'll like it. 5:00 lol

I fall in love with this guy